1 00:00:01,587 --> 00:00:02,854 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Whoa! 2 00:00:02,855 --> 00:00:04,089 Settle. 3 00:00:04,090 --> 00:00:05,757 Sorry, sarge. 4 00:00:05,758 --> 00:00:08,860 Ugh, Halloween is the worst. 5 00:00:08,861 --> 00:00:10,862 Everyone's drunk, wearing a mask, 6 00:00:10,863 --> 00:00:12,564 and carrying a fake gun. 7 00:00:12,565 --> 00:00:14,666 Plus all the girls think they have to dress sexy. 8 00:00:14,701 --> 00:00:17,669 I know, that is the worst. Please make them stop. 9 00:00:17,704 --> 00:00:19,171 I passed a slutty tree on the way here. 10 00:00:19,172 --> 00:00:20,973 Who wants to have sex with a tree? 11 00:00:21,074 --> 00:00:22,306 Was it a maple? 12 00:00:22,307 --> 00:00:23,774 Was it a maple? 13 00:00:23,775 --> 00:00:25,809 Buon giorno, buon giorno. 14 00:00:25,810 --> 00:00:28,479 - Pretty cool 'stume, huh? - 'Stume? 15 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:30,080 Short for costume. Ah. 16 00:00:30,081 --> 00:00:32,349 All right, let me guess. You are dumpy Chuck Norris. 17 00:00:32,350 --> 00:00:33,650 No, I'm... Dumpy Ron Weasley. 18 00:00:33,651 --> 00:00:34,952 No. 19 00:00:34,953 --> 00:00:36,420 You guys, stop it. 20 00:00:36,421 --> 00:00:38,155 He put thought into his costume, 21 00:00:38,156 --> 00:00:40,891 and he is obviously Miranda from Sex and the City. 22 00:00:40,892 --> 00:00:42,092 Guys, I'm Mario Batali! 23 00:00:42,093 --> 00:00:44,628 "Molto Mario"? Celebrity chef? 24 00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:46,196 Ginger Prince of little Italy? 25 00:00:46,197 --> 00:00:48,098 Is he also a homeless troll doll? 26 00:00:48,099 --> 00:00:49,399 'Cause you look like a homeless troll doll. 27 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,602 Hey, sweet Batali costume, dude. 28 00:00:51,603 --> 00:00:53,136 Thank you! 29 00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:54,738 There's a man with impeccable taste. 30 00:00:54,772 --> 00:00:58,141 He bit a guy's butt off at a W.N.B.A. game. 31 00:00:58,142 --> 00:00:59,376 Eric Stoltz from Mask. 32 00:00:59,410 --> 00:01:01,111 I'll take it. Yeah. 33 00:01:01,145 --> 00:01:03,280 I hope you're all well rested. 34 00:01:03,281 --> 00:01:05,048 It's gonna be a busy night. 35 00:01:05,049 --> 00:01:06,250 The holding cell's completely full. 36 00:01:06,284 --> 00:01:07,784 I keep having to separate 37 00:01:07,785 --> 00:01:09,236 Hillary Clinton and Kim Jong-Un. 38 00:01:09,254 --> 00:01:11,622 Stop it! Stop making out! 39 00:01:11,656 --> 00:01:14,391 Hey... no! What would bill say? 40 00:01:14,425 --> 00:01:15,893 We need two undercovers 41 00:01:15,894 --> 00:01:17,394 at the Dekalb street warehouse party. 42 00:01:17,395 --> 00:01:20,130 Boyle, you're already in costume as, uh, 43 00:01:20,131 --> 00:01:21,398 Joy Behar? 44 00:01:21,399 --> 00:01:22,599 I'm Mario Batali. 45 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,668 Okay. And, uh, Santiago, 46 00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:25,903 you go with him. 47 00:01:25,904 --> 00:01:28,071 Yes, sir. Damn it. 48 00:01:28,072 --> 00:01:30,741 Santiago, I know that you hate Halloween, 49 00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:32,442 but stick with me, and I promise you, 50 00:01:32,443 --> 00:01:33,877 you will love it. 51 00:01:33,912 --> 00:01:35,145 Can you magically make everyone kind, sober, 52 00:01:35,146 --> 00:01:36,413 and fully dressed? 53 00:01:36,447 --> 00:01:38,081 "Kind, sober, and fully dressed." 54 00:01:38,082 --> 00:01:39,449 Good news, everyone, we found the name 55 00:01:39,450 --> 00:01:41,618 of Santiago's sex tape. 56 00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:05,475 Well, ring it up, nerds. 57 00:02:05,476 --> 00:02:07,477 I just arrested my first Halloween idiot 58 00:02:07,478 --> 00:02:08,745 of the season. 59 00:02:08,746 --> 00:02:10,113 He was trying to rob a bank 60 00:02:10,114 --> 00:02:12,149 but had a little trouble with the getaway. 61 00:02:12,183 --> 00:02:14,685 Trying to "split," huh? 62 00:02:14,686 --> 00:02:17,487 Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get out on "a peel." 63 00:02:17,522 --> 00:02:18,822 I'm so glad you're stuck. 64 00:02:18,856 --> 00:02:20,324 I've got a million of these. 65 00:02:20,358 --> 00:02:22,267 No, no, don't touch the money! Ugh! 66 00:02:22,293 --> 00:02:23,994 I swear, these perps are so stupid. 67 00:02:23,995 --> 00:02:25,495 I'd make a better criminal than any of them. 68 00:02:25,530 --> 00:02:27,297 Yeah, you would. You'd be an evil mastermind, 69 00:02:27,298 --> 00:02:29,132 and everyone would call you the handsome bandit. 70 00:02:29,133 --> 00:02:31,068 Thank you, Charles. And the best part is, 71 00:02:31,102 --> 00:02:33,103 none of you could catch me. 72 00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:35,772 I'm fairly certain you would be caught. 73 00:02:35,773 --> 00:02:37,040 No, scratch that. 74 00:02:37,041 --> 00:02:39,343 I'm 100% sure you'd be caught. 75 00:02:39,377 --> 00:02:40,978 Ho, ho, ho! 76 00:02:40,979 --> 00:02:42,446 All right, challenge accepted. 77 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:43,981 I didn't issue a challenge. Fine. 78 00:02:44,015 --> 00:02:45,616 I'll issue it for you. 79 00:02:45,617 --> 00:02:47,050 What's the most valuable thing in your office? 80 00:02:47,051 --> 00:02:48,418 My medal of valor. 81 00:02:48,453 --> 00:02:49,886 God, you are such a hero. 82 00:02:49,887 --> 00:02:51,855 All right, how about this? I will bet you 83 00:02:51,856 --> 00:02:53,523 that by midnight tonight, 84 00:02:53,524 --> 00:02:55,359 I can steal the medal of valor from your office. 85 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,694 Why would I possibly agree to that? 86 00:02:57,729 --> 00:02:59,062 Because if I lose, I'll work 87 00:02:59,063 --> 00:03:00,297 the next five weekends, no overtime. 88 00:03:00,331 --> 00:03:01,698 And I won't tell anyone here 89 00:03:01,733 --> 00:03:03,066 about the time I saw you wearing short shorts 90 00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:04,301 outside of work. 91 00:03:04,335 --> 00:03:05,636 But if I win... You won't. 92 00:03:05,637 --> 00:03:07,204 You have to do all of my paperwork tonight, 93 00:03:07,205 --> 00:03:10,474 the busiest and spookiest night of the year. 94 00:03:10,508 --> 00:03:13,010 And you have to publicly state 95 00:03:13,044 --> 00:03:17,014 that I'm an amazing Detective-slash-genius. 96 00:03:17,048 --> 00:03:19,182 And this won't interfere with you doing your job? 97 00:03:19,183 --> 00:03:22,886 You mean my job as an amazing Detective-slash-genius? 98 00:03:22,887 --> 00:03:24,187 No, it will not. I'll do all of my work, 99 00:03:24,188 --> 00:03:25,389 guaranteed. 100 00:03:25,423 --> 00:03:27,024 I'm considering it. 101 00:03:27,025 --> 00:03:28,325 I'm interested. 102 00:03:28,326 --> 00:03:30,827 I agree to participate. All right. 103 00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:33,397 There's the robot I fell in love with. 104 00:03:33,431 --> 00:03:34,731 Hey. 105 00:03:34,732 --> 00:03:36,500 Sister Steve here got mugged. 106 00:03:36,534 --> 00:03:37,901 Some guy dressed as the royal baby 107 00:03:37,935 --> 00:03:40,003 punched him and took his wallet. 108 00:03:40,004 --> 00:03:41,405 She keeps laughing at me. 109 00:03:41,439 --> 00:03:42,839 Can't tell you how many nuns 110 00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,174 I wanted to beat up in catholic school. 111 00:03:44,175 --> 00:03:45,575 Ten. 112 00:03:45,576 --> 00:03:47,519 I didn't know you went to catholic school. 113 00:03:47,545 --> 00:03:49,179 Good. You shouldn't know it. 114 00:03:49,213 --> 00:03:51,915 I get it. You're so mysterious and tough. 115 00:03:51,916 --> 00:03:53,400 But you know what I think? 116 00:03:53,418 --> 00:03:55,085 You're actually a big softy. 117 00:03:55,119 --> 00:03:56,611 No, I think she's really mean. 118 00:03:56,621 --> 00:03:58,088 You probably read a Maya angelou poem 119 00:03:58,089 --> 00:03:59,948 at your graduation and cried. 120 00:03:59,957 --> 00:04:01,625 Didn't graduate. Had to leave. 121 00:04:01,626 --> 00:04:02,959 Why? What'd you do? 122 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,728 Here's a hint. 123 00:04:04,729 --> 00:04:07,297 I'm not gonna tell you. 124 00:04:07,298 --> 00:04:10,200 Oh, I'm gonna find out anyway. 125 00:04:10,201 --> 00:04:11,435 I'm a Detective. 126 00:04:11,436 --> 00:04:13,904 I will detect! 127 00:04:13,905 --> 00:04:15,305 Hey. 128 00:04:15,306 --> 00:04:17,040 Got an arrest file here for the Captain. 129 00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:18,442 Drunk and disorderly. 130 00:04:18,476 --> 00:04:20,277 So, anyways... 131 00:04:20,278 --> 00:04:21,745 Gina! 132 00:04:21,746 --> 00:04:23,213 We never talk anymore. 133 00:04:23,247 --> 00:04:24,848 How's the dance troupe? Did you get a haircut? 134 00:04:24,882 --> 00:04:26,249 What's the Captain's schedule like today? 135 00:04:26,284 --> 00:04:28,185 I'm not gonna help you rob him, Jake. 136 00:04:28,219 --> 00:04:30,287 I'm his assistant, and I take that job 137 00:04:30,321 --> 00:04:31,980 incredibly seriously. 138 00:04:31,989 --> 00:04:33,256 You're literally making paper airplanes 139 00:04:33,257 --> 00:04:34,991 out of police reports right now. 140 00:04:34,992 --> 00:04:36,660 Well, how am I supposed to get it into that garbage can? 141 00:04:36,661 --> 00:04:37,928 Please, Gina? 142 00:04:37,962 --> 00:04:39,496 Fine, Captain's got a meeting 143 00:04:39,497 --> 00:04:41,431 downstairs in ten minutes. 144 00:04:41,466 --> 00:04:44,267 You're the best. Mwah! 145 00:04:44,268 --> 00:04:45,635 What does your skin taste like? 146 00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:47,771 Dina Lohan. I'm wearing her face lotion. 147 00:04:47,805 --> 00:04:49,606 That's it. 148 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,441 Thank you. 149 00:04:51,442 --> 00:04:53,376 Okay, party's around the corner. 150 00:04:53,411 --> 00:04:55,779 Tipster said there'll be a huge amount of drug activity. 151 00:04:55,813 --> 00:04:58,181 Why is this costume so stiff? 152 00:04:58,182 --> 00:05:00,150 And what is that smell? 153 00:05:00,151 --> 00:05:01,952 The department never washes them, so it's probably vomit. 154 00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,186 Hey! 155 00:05:03,187 --> 00:05:05,288 I got you a chocolate. 156 00:05:05,289 --> 00:05:07,991 Yet another great thing about Halloween... chocolate! 157 00:05:08,025 --> 00:05:09,993 Thanks. Oh, look. 158 00:05:09,994 --> 00:05:12,162 Raggedy Ann is drinking vodka right from the bottle. 159 00:05:12,163 --> 00:05:13,864 People think if they put on a costume, 160 00:05:13,865 --> 00:05:16,366 they can just get away with anything they want. 161 00:05:16,367 --> 00:05:19,402 Halloween is Christmas for jerks. 162 00:05:19,437 --> 00:05:21,505 Come on, ma'am. No open containers. 163 00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:25,342 Oh, and why should I listen to you, bone person? 164 00:05:25,343 --> 00:05:28,011 It's called skelon. It's a very common word. 165 00:05:28,045 --> 00:05:29,513 Just put the vodka away. 166 00:05:29,514 --> 00:05:30,781 You guys are cops? 167 00:05:30,782 --> 00:05:32,282 These guys are cops! 168 00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:43,360 Are you in my ceiling, Peralta? 169 00:05:43,394 --> 00:05:45,128 No. 170 00:05:45,129 --> 00:05:46,563 So what's the plan? 171 00:05:46,564 --> 00:05:47,864 You wait for me to leave my office, 172 00:05:47,865 --> 00:05:49,232 lower yourself down, take my medal, 173 00:05:49,233 --> 00:05:50,467 and win the bet? 174 00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:51,735 Who are you talking to? 175 00:05:51,736 --> 00:05:53,520 There's no one up here. 176 00:05:53,538 --> 00:05:55,138 Peralta, just so you know, 177 00:05:55,139 --> 00:05:57,808 right now, I am taking my medal off the wall 178 00:05:57,809 --> 00:05:59,810 and placing it in a locked safe 179 00:05:59,811 --> 00:06:01,653 whose combination is known only to me. 180 00:06:01,679 --> 00:06:03,613 The safe, in turn, 181 00:06:03,648 --> 00:06:05,215 is locked in the cabinet. 182 00:06:05,249 --> 00:06:09,653 The only key to that cabinet is on my person. 183 00:06:09,654 --> 00:06:12,022 I'm off to my meeting. Good luck with your plan. 184 00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:14,524 You think that scares me? 185 00:06:14,559 --> 00:06:17,561 I laugh in the face of adversity! 186 00:06:17,595 --> 00:06:19,262 Are you still there? 187 00:06:19,263 --> 00:06:20,697 Captain, are you still there? I can't hear... 188 00:06:20,698 --> 00:06:23,200 Agh! 189 00:06:23,201 --> 00:06:24,994 Ow. 190 00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:28,627 Here you go. 191 00:06:28,628 --> 00:06:31,262 Don't touch the butter. 192 00:06:31,297 --> 00:06:32,831 What happened? I thought you guys 193 00:06:32,832 --> 00:06:34,099 were supposed to be at the warehouse party. 194 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,467 We got egged. 195 00:06:35,468 --> 00:06:37,168 Some of the shell got in my contacts 196 00:06:37,169 --> 00:06:39,738 and my hair and my mouth and my bra. 197 00:06:39,772 --> 00:06:41,006 I can't tell if that's hot or not. 198 00:06:41,007 --> 00:06:42,273 Not hot. 199 00:06:42,274 --> 00:06:43,508 Eggshell in my bra is not hot. 200 00:06:43,509 --> 00:06:44,776 Well, it's kinda hot. 201 00:06:44,777 --> 00:06:47,946 Boobs go in a bra. Up top. 202 00:06:47,947 --> 00:06:50,115 Whoo! My man. 203 00:06:50,116 --> 00:06:52,183 Well, it sounds like costume duty is going great. 204 00:06:52,184 --> 00:06:53,618 So great. We're having the best time. 205 00:06:53,619 --> 00:06:54,819 Right, Amy? 206 00:06:54,854 --> 00:06:56,621 I wish I was dead. Hmm. 207 00:06:56,656 --> 00:06:58,289 How's the unwinnable bet going? 208 00:06:58,324 --> 00:06:59,624 Well, on the one hand, I fell through the ceiling 209 00:06:59,625 --> 00:07:01,459 and onto a pencil, but on the other hand, 210 00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:03,161 I also badly bruised my brain. 211 00:07:03,195 --> 00:07:04,529 If you wanted to make a bet with Holt, 212 00:07:04,530 --> 00:07:05,864 you shoulda made a bet you could win. 213 00:07:05,865 --> 00:07:07,499 Like who wears more denim jackets. 214 00:07:07,533 --> 00:07:09,134 That was one time. 215 00:07:09,168 --> 00:07:10,802 You guys never forget anything. 216 00:07:10,803 --> 00:07:12,137 You know, frankly, I'm a little surprised 217 00:07:12,138 --> 00:07:13,605 you don't think I can win this thing. 218 00:07:13,606 --> 00:07:15,273 You're always telling me how I'm the best. 219 00:07:15,274 --> 00:07:17,375 You're the best, Jake. 220 00:07:17,376 --> 00:07:19,105 Paperwork delivery. 221 00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:20,412 You're the best, Jake. 222 00:07:20,446 --> 00:07:22,380 Jake, you're the best. 223 00:07:22,381 --> 00:07:24,149 Thank you, Charles. 224 00:07:24,183 --> 00:07:25,684 Yeah, maybe it's just Charles. 225 00:07:25,718 --> 00:07:27,519 Look, Jake, 226 00:07:27,553 --> 00:07:29,554 I love you like you're one of my daughters. Really? 227 00:07:29,555 --> 00:07:31,790 But it's not about you or how smart you are. 228 00:07:31,791 --> 00:07:33,024 It's about Captain Holt. 229 00:07:33,059 --> 00:07:34,592 The man's a genius. 230 00:07:34,627 --> 00:07:36,127 He's had your number at every turn. 231 00:07:36,128 --> 00:07:40,298 Well, not this day... Turn... time. 232 00:07:40,299 --> 00:07:43,468 Sorry, I'm pretty sure I had a concussion back there. 233 00:07:43,502 --> 00:07:44,769 Here I come. All right. 234 00:07:44,804 --> 00:07:48,206 Ohh, strong. Ahh. 235 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,175 Okay, here's the first set 236 00:07:50,176 --> 00:07:51,843 of royal babies I rounded up. 237 00:07:51,844 --> 00:07:53,078 Popular costume. 238 00:07:53,079 --> 00:07:54,345 Any of these guys look familiar? 239 00:07:54,346 --> 00:07:55,880 Maybe the third guy. 240 00:07:55,915 --> 00:07:57,482 The baby who mugged me was pretty short. 241 00:07:58,818 --> 00:08:00,018 You're not supposed to laugh at me. 242 00:08:00,052 --> 00:08:01,519 Number three, 243 00:08:01,554 --> 00:08:03,154 step forward and say, "give me your money, 244 00:08:03,155 --> 00:08:04,522 you stupid bag of crap." 245 00:08:04,523 --> 00:08:07,358 Gimme your money, you stupid bag of crap. 246 00:08:07,359 --> 00:08:08,727 No, wrong giant baby. 247 00:08:08,761 --> 00:08:10,028 I still want to know why you got kicked out 248 00:08:10,029 --> 00:08:11,596 of catholic school. 249 00:08:11,597 --> 00:08:13,164 Were you doing drugs? 250 00:08:13,165 --> 00:08:16,000 Worse. Selling drugs? 251 00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:19,337 Worse. How bad could it have been? 252 00:08:19,338 --> 00:08:22,040 Did you burn down a church? 253 00:08:22,041 --> 00:08:24,909 Number three, step forward and say the word 254 00:08:24,910 --> 00:08:26,211 "worse." 255 00:08:26,212 --> 00:08:28,913 Worse. 256 00:08:28,914 --> 00:08:30,715 Excuse me, Gina. 257 00:08:30,716 --> 00:08:32,050 I can't find Peralta anywhere, and you're the only one 258 00:08:32,051 --> 00:08:33,721 who can decipher his handwriting. 259 00:08:33,753 --> 00:08:36,387 He arrested that bunny, but I don't know what for. 260 00:08:36,388 --> 00:08:39,390 He's either a crispy mother werewolf 261 00:08:39,391 --> 00:08:42,260 or cowboy mustard, oslo, Norway. 262 00:08:42,294 --> 00:08:43,728 Hmm. 263 00:08:43,729 --> 00:08:46,898 The bunny groped multiple women on the subway. 264 00:08:46,932 --> 00:08:49,434 Being able to read Jake's writing is a gift. 265 00:08:49,468 --> 00:08:51,569 A useless, useless gift. 266 00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:55,573 Excuse me one second. 267 00:08:55,574 --> 00:08:57,709 Nice costume, Peralta. 268 00:08:57,710 --> 00:08:59,544 No Peralta here. 269 00:08:59,545 --> 00:09:03,114 Just a normal janitor pushing trash around. 270 00:09:03,115 --> 00:09:04,816 Come out of there. 271 00:09:06,452 --> 00:09:08,319 Captain, hey. 272 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,554 You really thought this was gonna work? 273 00:09:09,588 --> 00:09:10,822 Uh, it did work. 274 00:09:10,823 --> 00:09:12,090 This whole janitor gambit 275 00:09:12,091 --> 00:09:13,892 was designed to fail. 276 00:09:13,893 --> 00:09:15,160 It's just like in chess. 277 00:09:15,161 --> 00:09:16,594 Sometimes in order to win, 278 00:09:16,595 --> 00:09:18,096 you have to sacrifice your king. 279 00:09:18,097 --> 00:09:19,831 That's exactly how you lose in chess. 280 00:09:19,832 --> 00:09:21,132 Have you ever played the game? 281 00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:22,567 Yeah, I used to play with my uncle Bob 282 00:09:22,568 --> 00:09:24,402 all the time, and he said I was great. 283 00:09:24,403 --> 00:09:26,604 This is a game of concentration, Jake. 284 00:09:26,639 --> 00:09:29,641 So focus your mind, and start shooting. 285 00:09:33,312 --> 00:09:35,814 Now you're a master of chess, huh? 286 00:09:35,848 --> 00:09:37,182 He taught me how to shoot backgammon too. 287 00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:38,583 I expected better of you. 288 00:09:38,584 --> 00:09:39,851 You could have at least created a diversion 289 00:09:39,852 --> 00:09:41,820 to distract me from your terrible costume. 290 00:09:41,854 --> 00:09:43,454 Uh, I'm not a dumb butt. 291 00:09:43,455 --> 00:09:45,023 I had a diversion planned. 292 00:09:45,024 --> 00:09:47,859 There was just a slight timing issue. 293 00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:49,327 Oh, my God! 294 00:09:49,361 --> 00:09:51,496 Get down, everyone! There's a big fire! 295 00:09:51,497 --> 00:09:53,231 Captain, you better head over there for, like, 296 00:09:53,265 --> 00:09:55,600 15 minutes and see what's going on with that. 297 00:09:55,601 --> 00:09:58,603 Beware of the back draft. I'll be in your office. 298 00:10:01,307 --> 00:10:03,174 You have beautiful eyes. 299 00:10:03,175 --> 00:10:04,442 Have it your way. 300 00:10:04,443 --> 00:10:06,344 But you're gonna need this. 301 00:10:06,345 --> 00:10:08,613 And... that. 302 00:10:08,614 --> 00:10:11,349 It's filthy in there. 303 00:10:17,022 --> 00:10:18,857 Come on, Amy! Loosen up! 304 00:10:18,858 --> 00:10:20,158 You look like such a cop! 305 00:10:20,192 --> 00:10:22,660 Come on, have some fun, you know? 306 00:10:22,695 --> 00:10:24,963 It'll help you blend in! 307 00:10:24,964 --> 00:10:26,231 Whoo! 308 00:10:26,232 --> 00:10:28,833 Stop trying to get me to love Halloween. 309 00:10:28,834 --> 00:10:30,468 It'll never work. 310 00:10:30,502 --> 00:10:31,736 I'm backing it up. 311 00:10:31,737 --> 00:10:34,505 Oh, God, please don't. 312 00:10:34,540 --> 00:10:36,708 Hey, heads up. 313 00:10:36,709 --> 00:10:37,976 I'll cut 'em off at the exit. Okay. 314 00:10:37,977 --> 00:10:41,045 Move! Move, move! 315 00:10:41,046 --> 00:10:42,480 He ditched the drugs. I'm on it. 316 00:10:42,481 --> 00:10:43,915 Ugh. 317 00:10:45,217 --> 00:10:47,552 Oof, everything is sticking to me. 318 00:10:47,553 --> 00:10:48,887 Ooh. 319 00:10:48,888 --> 00:10:50,822 Ay, h. Yes. 320 00:10:50,856 --> 00:10:52,824 Hey, watch out, man. 321 00:10:52,825 --> 00:10:54,826 Ugh! What is that? 322 00:10:54,827 --> 00:10:59,063 How is it hot and cold? 323 00:10:59,098 --> 00:11:02,100 So the soonest you can fix the ceiling is Monday? 324 00:11:08,574 --> 00:11:11,376 I'm gonna have to call you back. 325 00:11:11,410 --> 00:11:12,844 Wait, stop scratching me. 326 00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:14,048 We're supposed to be a team. 327 00:11:14,079 --> 00:11:15,747 Ahem. 328 00:11:15,748 --> 00:11:17,115 Captain, hi. 329 00:11:17,116 --> 00:11:19,751 I was just photocopying some stuff. 330 00:11:19,785 --> 00:11:21,519 Are you trying to jam pigeons into my air-conditioning vent 331 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:22,754 to flush me out of my office? 332 00:11:22,788 --> 00:11:25,056 Way to ruin the surprise. 333 00:11:25,090 --> 00:11:27,458 How did you get those birds? By using my big, fat brain. 334 00:11:27,459 --> 00:11:29,227 Get in the bag, you damn bird. 335 00:11:29,228 --> 00:11:30,461 Eat the bread. Eat the bread! 336 00:11:30,462 --> 00:11:32,063 I gotcha! I gotcha! 337 00:11:32,064 --> 00:11:34,933 All part of my elaborate plan to defeat you. 338 00:11:34,934 --> 00:11:37,302 So far, you and your big, fat brain 339 00:11:37,303 --> 00:11:39,203 are losing... badly. 340 00:11:39,204 --> 00:11:41,439 Maybe, if we're talking about who's winning our bet. 341 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,875 But if we're talking about who's holding more birds, 342 00:11:43,876 --> 00:11:45,843 I'm winning, four-nothing. 343 00:11:45,878 --> 00:11:48,913 You're only holding two. 344 00:11:48,914 --> 00:11:52,283 Yeah. 345 00:11:54,984 --> 00:11:56,217 Ooh, when you were logging in the drugs, 346 00:11:56,218 --> 00:11:57,619 you missed some awesome stuff. 347 00:11:57,620 --> 00:11:59,721 Guy walked by in full astronaut costume, 348 00:11:59,722 --> 00:12:00,989 gave me a high five. 349 00:12:00,990 --> 00:12:03,157 He high-fived me too. 350 00:12:03,158 --> 00:12:04,459 Wait... Hitchcock? 351 00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:05,960 Darn it. 352 00:12:05,961 --> 00:12:07,228 I wasn't supposed to talk, but I got so excited 353 00:12:07,229 --> 00:12:08,496 about that astronaut. 354 00:12:08,497 --> 00:12:10,131 What is happening? 355 00:12:10,165 --> 00:12:11,466 Amy paid me 50 bucks to trade places with her 356 00:12:11,467 --> 00:12:12,734 for the rest of the night. 357 00:12:12,735 --> 00:12:14,102 Really? Yeah. 358 00:12:14,136 --> 00:12:17,138 I'm gonna use that money to buy two suits. 359 00:12:19,141 --> 00:12:21,509 Well, I was gonna ask you to tell the Captain 360 00:12:21,510 --> 00:12:23,011 that I brought in royal babies for Diaz, 361 00:12:23,012 --> 00:12:24,879 but I'm sure he already knows, 362 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,147 since he's always one step ahead of me. 363 00:12:26,148 --> 00:12:27,348 Aww. 364 00:12:27,383 --> 00:12:29,050 Why so down, little clown? 365 00:12:29,051 --> 00:12:30,318 I'm just sick of losing to Holt. 366 00:12:30,319 --> 00:12:31,519 I want that medal. 367 00:12:31,553 --> 00:12:32,987 It's not real gold. 368 00:12:32,988 --> 00:12:35,290 I tried selling it online. Zero bids. 369 00:12:35,324 --> 00:12:37,692 But here's some advice I gave to the girls 370 00:12:37,726 --> 00:12:40,046 in my dance troupe at the "dance till you drop" tournament. 371 00:12:40,062 --> 00:12:43,364 That advice was, dance. Dance! 372 00:12:43,365 --> 00:12:45,033 Dance. 373 00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:47,869 Yeah, I'm not really sure that applies here, Gina. 374 00:12:47,870 --> 00:12:49,938 It does apply. It means don't give up. 375 00:12:49,939 --> 00:12:52,607 We would've won if Natasha's water hadn't broken. 376 00:12:52,608 --> 00:12:54,542 Oh, Natasha had her baby? You know Natasha? 377 00:12:54,543 --> 00:12:55,777 Yeah. Yeah. 378 00:12:55,778 --> 00:12:57,045 Her dog has lupus. 379 00:12:57,046 --> 00:12:58,846 Yeah. That's a trip. 380 00:12:58,847 --> 00:13:00,848 Small world. Yes. 381 00:13:00,849 --> 00:13:05,720 All right, I'm gonna go cry. 382 00:13:05,721 --> 00:13:07,522 I kind of feel bad for him. 383 00:13:07,523 --> 00:13:08,723 Don't. 384 00:13:08,757 --> 00:13:10,458 He brought this on himself. 385 00:13:10,459 --> 00:13:14,762 You can hang up now. 386 00:13:14,763 --> 00:13:16,698 You paid money to get out of working with me? 387 00:13:16,732 --> 00:13:18,766 Charles, I had to. Tonight has been awful. 388 00:13:18,801 --> 00:13:21,569 Halloween is the worst, and I don't understand 389 00:13:21,570 --> 00:13:22,937 why you like it. 390 00:13:22,972 --> 00:13:24,405 No, all the things that you think are bad 391 00:13:24,406 --> 00:13:26,741 about Halloween are what make it great. 392 00:13:26,775 --> 00:13:28,242 The big kids egg you. 393 00:13:28,243 --> 00:13:31,112 Then you and your friends run away together. 394 00:13:31,113 --> 00:13:33,081 Friendships are forged in the crucible 395 00:13:33,115 --> 00:13:35,483 of Halloween adversity. 396 00:13:35,484 --> 00:13:38,353 That's all I wanted for us. 397 00:13:38,387 --> 00:13:43,224 You can keep the wig. I don't need it anymore. 398 00:13:43,258 --> 00:13:46,327 I don't really need it either. 399 00:13:46,328 --> 00:13:47,662 Hey, Captain Holt, 400 00:13:47,663 --> 00:13:51,499 can you come out here for one sec? 401 00:13:58,273 --> 00:14:00,274 You need something, Peralta? Yes, I do. 402 00:14:00,309 --> 00:14:03,311 Hit it, royal babies. 403 00:14:14,089 --> 00:14:15,313 What... no! 404 00:14:15,324 --> 00:14:16,557 Give me my keys. 405 00:14:16,592 --> 00:14:18,259 Will you stop catching me? 406 00:14:18,260 --> 00:14:20,094 Do you have any idea how much I spent on key chains? 407 00:14:20,129 --> 00:14:21,629 $23. 408 00:14:21,663 --> 00:14:23,031 Wow, that is unbelievably close. 409 00:14:23,032 --> 00:14:24,465 22.76. 410 00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:27,101 Keys. Okay, look. 411 00:14:27,102 --> 00:14:28,536 Tonight has been a little humiliating. 412 00:14:28,537 --> 00:14:30,004 Things are not going well, 413 00:14:30,039 --> 00:14:31,606 so I'm gonna just throw this out there. 414 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,041 What do you say we call off the bet 415 00:14:33,042 --> 00:14:34,442 and pretend this whole thing never happened? 416 00:14:34,476 --> 00:14:35,943 Oh, I'm not letting you off the hook. 417 00:14:35,978 --> 00:14:37,645 What? No. Pfft. 418 00:14:37,646 --> 00:14:40,515 I meant to give you an out, so you could save face. 419 00:14:40,549 --> 00:14:42,483 This is getting sad. 420 00:14:42,484 --> 00:14:45,259 Yeah, for you. 421 00:14:45,287 --> 00:14:47,178 So. 422 00:14:47,189 --> 00:14:49,123 I called your school. 423 00:14:49,124 --> 00:14:53,961 And I managed to get a hold of one sister Bernadette. 424 00:14:53,996 --> 00:14:56,464 I remember that old bag. She was my favorite. 425 00:14:56,465 --> 00:14:57,799 Well, guess what she said. 426 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,967 Apparently, you were a model student 427 00:14:59,968 --> 00:15:03,037 and transferred of your own volition. 428 00:15:05,374 --> 00:15:06,641 Fine. 429 00:15:06,642 --> 00:15:08,076 The reason I left catholic school 430 00:15:08,077 --> 00:15:10,278 was because I got into the american ballet academy. 431 00:15:10,312 --> 00:15:12,313 I was a classical dancer. 432 00:15:12,347 --> 00:15:13,815 And I was good. 433 00:15:13,849 --> 00:15:15,083 I knew it! 434 00:15:15,084 --> 00:15:16,851 I knew you were a big softy. 435 00:15:16,885 --> 00:15:19,754 You tell anyone, I break your face. 436 00:15:22,491 --> 00:15:26,259 No, you won't. You're too sensitive. 437 00:15:28,063 --> 00:15:29,964 Captain, sorry to interrupt. 438 00:15:29,998 --> 00:15:32,233 Some officers just arrested Peralta. 439 00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:33,634 What? They caught him scaling 440 00:15:33,669 --> 00:15:35,536 the side of the building with a blowtorch. 441 00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,509 Captain. 442 00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:43,144 Welcome to the endgame. 443 00:15:43,178 --> 00:15:44,679 Would you care to shake the hand 444 00:15:44,713 --> 00:15:46,280 of the man who defeated you? 445 00:15:46,281 --> 00:15:49,550 Forgot I was wearing handcuffs. Ohh, that hurt. 446 00:15:49,551 --> 00:15:51,986 Whoo! 447 00:15:54,789 --> 00:15:56,256 Climbing the side of the building with a blowtorch. 448 00:15:56,257 --> 00:15:57,591 What were you thinking? 449 00:15:57,625 --> 00:15:59,193 I was thinking I had better core strength. 450 00:15:59,194 --> 00:16:00,427 I got winded, like, ten feet up. 451 00:16:00,428 --> 00:16:02,196 I knew you wouldn't win the bet, 452 00:16:02,197 --> 00:16:03,630 but your performance tonight has made me question 453 00:16:03,631 --> 00:16:05,098 not only how good a Detective you are, 454 00:16:05,099 --> 00:16:08,235 but, quite frankly, how smart you are. 455 00:16:08,236 --> 00:16:10,537 Well, that's not surprising. You constantly underestimate me. 456 00:16:10,538 --> 00:16:13,640 No, you've been correctly estimated. 457 00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:16,076 You have five minutes until your deadline, 458 00:16:16,077 --> 00:16:18,045 and here you are, handcuffed to a table, 459 00:16:18,046 --> 00:16:19,413 in a locked room. 460 00:16:19,414 --> 00:16:23,417 Which is precisely where I planned on being. 461 00:16:23,418 --> 00:16:25,118 Captain, let me tell you a little story. 462 00:16:25,153 --> 00:16:26,954 You remember when I fell through your ceiling? 463 00:16:26,955 --> 00:16:28,856 Yes, that was six hours ago. 464 00:16:28,890 --> 00:16:30,991 It was, I admit, a disastrous failure. 465 00:16:30,992 --> 00:16:33,327 But it gave me the idea for Herman, 466 00:16:33,328 --> 00:16:34,795 the friendly janitor you met. 467 00:16:34,829 --> 00:16:37,798 With Herman, I commenced the perfect crime. 468 00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:40,033 I caught you as Herman. 469 00:16:40,068 --> 00:16:42,469 But you didn't catch Rosa. 470 00:16:42,470 --> 00:16:46,773 Come out of there. 471 00:16:46,774 --> 00:16:48,008 It turns out that Rosa 472 00:16:48,009 --> 00:16:50,043 is great at picking locks. 473 00:16:50,078 --> 00:16:52,446 Does not surprise me. No, me neither. 474 00:16:52,447 --> 00:16:54,314 Of course, I had to find a way to get her out of your office 475 00:16:54,315 --> 00:16:55,682 without you seeing her. 476 00:16:55,683 --> 00:16:57,618 So I created a diversion. 477 00:16:57,619 --> 00:17:00,587 Not mistimed... Perfectly timed 478 00:17:00,588 --> 00:17:02,122 so she could escape unseen. 479 00:17:02,156 --> 00:17:03,423 What about the pigeons? 480 00:17:03,424 --> 00:17:04,925 Oh, the gray pigeons? 481 00:17:04,926 --> 00:17:06,727 They were a red herring. Thank you. 482 00:17:06,761 --> 00:17:08,762 Their only purpose was to draw you into the copy room 483 00:17:08,763 --> 00:17:12,933 while two members of my team broke into your locked office. 484 00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:13,967 So now I had a way into your office 485 00:17:13,968 --> 00:17:16,603 and an open cabinet. 486 00:17:16,638 --> 00:17:18,438 All that was left was for the royal babies 487 00:17:18,439 --> 00:17:19,840 to steal your keys. 488 00:17:19,841 --> 00:17:21,808 Yes, but you didn't need the keys. 489 00:17:21,809 --> 00:17:23,577 The cabinet was already unlocked. 490 00:17:23,611 --> 00:17:24,945 You needed a way into the safe. 491 00:17:24,946 --> 00:17:26,480 And I got it. 492 00:17:26,514 --> 00:17:27,948 You were so concerned with getting 493 00:17:27,949 --> 00:17:29,216 your keys back, you didn't even notice 494 00:17:29,217 --> 00:17:31,218 the sergeant steal your phone. 495 00:17:31,219 --> 00:17:33,654 That's right, even the sergeant is on my side. 496 00:17:33,655 --> 00:17:35,822 I then had Charles dust your screen cover for prints. 497 00:17:35,823 --> 00:17:37,491 The greasiest smudges revealed 498 00:17:37,492 --> 00:17:39,159 the four numbers you use the most... 499 00:17:39,193 --> 00:17:41,295 The four numbers in your passcode. 500 00:17:41,296 --> 00:17:42,996 Based on your advanced age, 501 00:17:42,997 --> 00:17:45,299 I assumed that you use the same passcode for everything... 502 00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:47,467 Your phone, your email, and, of course, 503 00:17:47,502 --> 00:17:48,735 your safe. 504 00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:51,278 That would be a fair assumption. 505 00:17:51,306 --> 00:17:52,873 It was at that point that I bumped into a girl 506 00:17:52,874 --> 00:17:55,876 dressed as a sexy robot, and we got our flirt on... hard. 507 00:17:58,680 --> 00:17:59,980 'Sup? 508 00:18:00,014 --> 00:18:04,184 'Sup? Jake Peralta. 509 00:18:04,218 --> 00:18:05,852 And how was flirting part of the plan? 510 00:18:05,887 --> 00:18:08,021 Oh, it wasn't. It just ruled. 511 00:18:08,022 --> 00:18:09,589 And that brings us to five minutes ago, 512 00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:10,891 when Amy came to your office and told you 513 00:18:10,892 --> 00:18:12,326 that I had been arrested. 514 00:18:12,327 --> 00:18:13,694 I knew she's the only one you would believe 515 00:18:13,695 --> 00:18:15,329 because, frankly, she's usually too lame 516 00:18:15,330 --> 00:18:17,138 to take part in these kinds of things. 517 00:18:17,165 --> 00:18:19,099 And as you walked over here, 518 00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:20,667 Charles awkwardly stuffed himself through your window 519 00:18:20,668 --> 00:18:23,170 and opened your safe. 520 00:18:23,204 --> 00:18:25,172 We had the four numbers of your code, which meant 521 00:18:25,173 --> 00:18:27,374 there were 24 possible combinations for Charles to try. 522 00:18:27,375 --> 00:18:29,042 That could take up to four minutes, 523 00:18:29,043 --> 00:18:30,860 which is why I really dragged out this explanation. 524 00:18:30,878 --> 00:18:33,113 I mean, really stretched it. I don't know if you noticed, 525 00:18:33,114 --> 00:18:34,681 but there were times where I was like, 526 00:18:34,716 --> 00:18:36,616 what am I even talking about? This isn't... 527 00:18:36,617 --> 00:18:38,151 Oh. 528 00:18:38,186 --> 00:18:40,921 But now, four minutes is up. 529 00:18:40,955 --> 00:18:43,090 Which means Boyle is either on the other side of that door 530 00:18:43,091 --> 00:18:44,324 holding your medal, 531 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:47,427 or I've lost. 532 00:18:47,462 --> 00:18:48,862 Well, Captain, 533 00:18:48,896 --> 00:18:50,364 it seems that Jake 534 00:18:50,365 --> 00:18:54,434 isn't the only person you underestima... 535 00:18:54,435 --> 00:18:58,038 20 seconds to spare. Game over, Captain. 536 00:18:58,039 --> 00:18:59,239 Check me. 537 00:18:59,273 --> 00:19:00,774 I think you mean "checkmate." 538 00:19:00,775 --> 00:19:02,275 You really need to learn how to play chess. 539 00:19:02,276 --> 00:19:04,745 How did you get everyone to help you? 540 00:19:04,746 --> 00:19:06,546 I appealed to their sense of teamwork and camraderie 541 00:19:06,547 --> 00:19:09,049 with a rousing speech that would put Shakespeare to shame. 542 00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:10,317 For too long, 543 00:19:10,318 --> 00:19:13,153 we've been put down, ridiculed, 544 00:19:13,154 --> 00:19:15,055 made to wear ties! 545 00:19:15,089 --> 00:19:16,289 But no more! 546 00:19:16,324 --> 00:19:17,591 For today, 547 00:19:17,592 --> 00:19:19,593 we defeat him! 548 00:19:19,627 --> 00:19:22,203 And that worked? No. No, no. Not at all. 549 00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:24,297 My speech did not inspire them. 550 00:19:24,332 --> 00:19:26,366 Come on. So I bribed them. 551 00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:28,201 I told them that if we pulled this off, 552 00:19:28,236 --> 00:19:29,803 I would do all of their paperwork. 553 00:19:29,804 --> 00:19:32,072 And since you're doing all my paperwork... 554 00:19:32,073 --> 00:19:33,907 I'm impressed, Peralta. 555 00:19:33,908 --> 00:19:35,242 Well done. 556 00:19:35,243 --> 00:19:36,777 Thank you, sir. 557 00:19:36,778 --> 00:19:40,080 In fact, the thing that you failed to see, Captain, 558 00:19:40,081 --> 00:19:42,115 teamwork, is exactly... Captain? 559 00:19:42,116 --> 00:19:44,117 What provided our success. Sir? 560 00:19:44,118 --> 00:19:47,087 He's not coming back. 561 00:19:47,121 --> 00:19:50,123 Boyle, I need you in the briefing room. 562 00:19:54,662 --> 00:19:57,264 What is all this? 563 00:19:57,298 --> 00:19:58,932 You know how I think Halloween is for jerks? 564 00:19:58,933 --> 00:20:01,601 Well, this Halloween, I was the jerk. 565 00:20:01,602 --> 00:20:03,336 I'm sorry about tonight. 566 00:20:03,337 --> 00:20:04,671 "I'm sorry about tonight." 567 00:20:04,672 --> 00:20:06,139 We found the title 568 00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:08,208 for Santiago's follow-up sex tape. 569 00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:10,811 I'm sorry I couldn't convince you to love Halloween. 570 00:20:10,845 --> 00:20:12,212 It's not your fault. I was terrible. 571 00:20:12,213 --> 00:20:13,480 "It's not your fault I was terrible" 572 00:20:13,481 --> 00:20:15,015 is also one of your sex tapes. 573 00:20:15,016 --> 00:20:16,316 Ow. 574 00:20:16,317 --> 00:20:18,652 Halloween is unbearable. 575 00:20:18,653 --> 00:20:21,655 But it was slightly less unbearable with you. 576 00:20:21,656 --> 00:20:22,989 Don't. Okay. 577 00:20:22,990 --> 00:20:24,591 Anyway. 578 00:20:24,625 --> 00:20:27,160 We're all going to the bar, so get changed, 579 00:20:27,161 --> 00:20:28,962 'cause you can't be the only one there 580 00:20:28,963 --> 00:20:30,897 not wearing a 'stume. 581 00:20:30,898 --> 00:20:33,133 'Stume! Oh, my God. It caught on. 582 00:20:33,167 --> 00:20:36,803 No. 583 00:20:36,838 --> 00:20:39,673 Ah, Captain Holt. It is so nice to see you. 584 00:20:39,707 --> 00:20:41,174 Never thought I'd say that. Hmm. 585 00:20:41,209 --> 00:20:43,310 A poor winner. I never would've guessed. 586 00:20:43,344 --> 00:20:44,878 Yeah, you would've. 587 00:20:44,879 --> 00:20:46,346 Way to go all out on your costume, by the way. 588 00:20:46,347 --> 00:20:48,448 I believe you have an announcement to make, 589 00:20:48,483 --> 00:20:50,817 so the floor is yours. 590 00:20:50,818 --> 00:20:53,820 Attention, everyone. 591 00:20:53,821 --> 00:20:58,325 Jake Peralta is an amazing Detective-slash-genius. 592 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,393 Now, if you'll excuse me, 593 00:21:00,394 --> 00:21:03,530 I have some paperwork to do. 594 00:21:03,531 --> 00:21:05,932 All right. 595 00:21:05,933 --> 00:21:08,401 Officer in the 92nd got the royal baby mugger. 596 00:21:08,402 --> 00:21:09,936 He had 19 wallets in his diaper. 597 00:21:09,937 --> 00:21:13,373 We got a runner! 598 00:21:13,374 --> 00:21:15,242 Waahhh! 599 00:21:15,276 --> 00:21:17,544 Damn! 600 00:21:17,545 --> 00:21:19,346 Oh, I didn't tell you. 601 00:21:19,347 --> 00:21:21,748 I got kicked out of ballet school 602 00:21:21,749 --> 00:21:25,084 for beating the crap out of ballerinas. 603 00:21:25,085 --> 00:21:27,549 It's a good thing we gave 'em a heads up. 604 00:21:27,550 --> 00:21:30,719 Team effort, Go 99. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net